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Changes

By 2/26/2005

Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, change makes someone a better person. Sometimes, changes are only superficial. I looked through some old photos of mine and I'm alway surprised at how much I've changed. And the time difference between all those photos aren't that large. We're talking about a few months. I've changed a lot. No. The girls and I have changed a lot. I can see the periods of time when we were stressed/depressed/happy/innocent/tired/matured/gained weight/lost weight/gained confidence/gained fashion sense. I wonder whether the parts of me that have changed are for the better or worse. I've grown listless, aimless and have gone back to the time when I am jealous of couples. The yearn to have a partner is there. However, cynicism is also very strong. I believe in love. But I don't believe that there is a guy out there who's able to handle me. Hurhur...*wry smile* I also don't believe that I can change myself to the point of not being my mother. I find myself turning into her clone sometimes. The way I speak to people and the way I react...I think I sound like her when I scold Baileys too. I don't want to be my mum in a relationship. She influenced me so much that I've got all these stereotypes and expectations of what a boyfriend should be like. It's not fair to the guy, I know. I tried very hard not to let her comments get to me (and she didn't really comment a lot anyway) and as much as I hate to say this, she was right when concerning Kenric. Kenric doesn't like my mum (haha...news of the century) but I now feel that it's because my mum pegged him to a T when she first met him. And it's only natural that a mother is protective of her daughter right? Ok, my mum can be a little over-protective...but it's only because she cares. Ok, I'm digressing...I'm typing as the thoughts come into my head...no structure whatsoever. Despite some natural tendencies to want to have a man in my life, I must say that single life is very suitable for me. I find that men make better friends for me. I like being alone, if not just with a small group of close friends. My happiest moment? I can't remember. Perhaps that's the best way some memories should be. You live it. By forgetting, the only way anyone can go is forward into the future and the past won't hold you back.

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