When you've been tightly wound up for a long time, you'll eventually snap.
That's how I will describe my behaviour and feelings for the past 3 mths. Back to sanity now.
Nonetheless, I fear that the feeling will creep back one day. I ask God every night what he wants from me...what's the path that I'm supposed to walk. Why do I still feel so empty? What lessons have I learnt? I've learnt that it's important to be humble, money can't buy you happiness nor health and that humans can be so self-serving. I still feel lost and relatively lonely. I've got tons of great friends and I'm grateful for them....and I shouldn't be feeling this way but I still feel lonely and tired of working. The hum-drum of routine grates on me.
Wake up. Brush teeth. Shower. Change. Feed Baileys. Go to MRT. Go to work. Lunch. Work. Go to MRT. Go home. Eat dinner. Entertain myself and Baileys. Shower. Change. Sleep. (Repeat)
OH GOSH! I can't imagine doing this for the next 30 yrs!!! Ok...pepper this occasionally with vacations, maybe dates, wedding dinners etc. But still?!! Just thinking of it is giving me semi-anxiety attacks. Work. I hate it. Why do we have to do it? To earn $ to buy food, clothes, presents, a home.
I'm getting disillusioned with this industry. It's built mainly on tons of people who think nothing more than $$$ and then they attempt to give it back through meagre charity events. True, its been said 有钱出钱，有力出力 but (maybe it's my disillusion talking again) I feel that it's because the industry has zillions of dollars that it just looks bad to hoard. Ok...but then again, I'm jaded. I am sure that there are people in the industry who donate regulary and volunteer as well.
I've signed up for a week's prayer retreat. It's just 10 hrs for the next week and hopefully, I can truely understand the Grand Plan a little better. Trust the inner voice that constantly speaks to me (not, I'm not schizo). I really love India Arie's song "Strength, Courage and Wisdom". That's what I ask for everyday. Strength, courage and wisdom to live through the day; to let things be. Now, all I need is to feel alive.
I'm done. I'm done complaining and wallowing in self misery. Each time I feel miserable, I can't help but remember what Joel and Kenric said to me before...that I like to make myself sound like the victim.
Yes, I did have a part to play in all the bad mouthing that went on for the past 3 mths. I don't know why I wasn't more careful. After all that training that I received in GS, you would've thought that I would be more careful but I wasn't. I was rash, slightly arrogant and didn't cover my ass well. *sigh* Irene is right. Nobody is as nice as her to tell me straight that I've made a mistake and to help me cover it up. No melodrama from her or her bitching about it to others. I miss that.
Ah well...I feel rather embarassed whenever I recall what my sg boss said to me in a conference call together with my hk boss. *sigh* Ah well...what's done is done and I am too tired to talk about it. I'll live. I tried too hard. Instead of doing well, I fell flat on my face and there's spilt milk for me to clean up.
Yes, I did have a part to play in all the bad mouthing that went on for the past 3 mths. I don't know why I wasn't more careful. After all that training that I received in GS, you would've thought that I would be more careful but I wasn't. I was rash, slightly arrogant and didn't cover my ass well. *sigh* Irene is right. Nobody is as nice as her to tell me straight that I've made a mistake and to help me cover it up. No melodrama from her or her bitching about it to others. I miss that.
Ah well...I feel rather embarassed whenever I recall what my sg boss said to me in a conference call together with my hk boss. *sigh* Ah well...what's done is done and I am too tired to talk about it. I'll live. I tried too hard. Instead of doing well, I fell flat on my face and there's spilt milk for me to clean up.
Life sucks. Work sucks. Yes I'm unhappy and NO I'm not ok. I don't feel like telling you what's wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong when I tell you what's wrong. Don't sms me or call me to ask me what's wrong. I'll tell you in good time. I just wish that women were not such bitches and that if you think I've made a mistake, TELL IT TO MY F&*(KING FACE instead of gossiping among yourselves and then telling it to my boss. NOT FRIENDLY! AND READ YOUR FREAKING EMAILS. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FREAKING READING THEM. SINCE YOU'RE SO "DETAILED"...DO YOU EVER FREAKING REALISE HOW LATE SOME OF MY FREAKING EMAILS ARE SENT?
*breathes in, breathes out*
*thinks* Yes there are people starving out there...yes there are innocent people whose lives are being held hostage. No big deal...this is no big deal......
*breathes in, breathes out*
Work still sucks.
*breathes in, breathes out*
*thinks* Yes there are people starving out there...yes there are innocent people whose lives are being held hostage. No big deal...this is no big deal......
*breathes in, breathes out*
Work still sucks.
Photos from Alli's visit!
At Raffles Long Bar.
Esplanade - the brain. These art works are made from one continuous line without any breakage.
Singer sewing machine....brilliant isn't it?
At Raffles Long Bar.
Esplanade - the brain. These art works are made from one continuous line without any breakage.
Singer sewing machine....brilliant isn't it?
Fish reflexology! Went there last saturday and treated my parents to it.
This is pretty cool...you dip your feet into a pool of fish that eat your dead skin cells! The result is very smooth feet and I highly recommend this! Pay for the full package where you get the fish, feet, shoulder and back massages. It's only $50 and you'll leave feeling really refreshed and gets your blood circulation going. However, if you're uber ticklish, the fish is definitely not for you.
Dad's feet with the bigger fish from Africa. Common name of this fish is supposedly the tilapia.
The big ones seem strangely attracted to mum's feet...a lot of dead skin huh.
Mine...quite a normal amount of fish...nibble nibble....
The small fish are from Turkey...cool...
This is pretty cool...you dip your feet into a pool of fish that eat your dead skin cells! The result is very smooth feet and I highly recommend this! Pay for the full package where you get the fish, feet, shoulder and back massages. It's only $50 and you'll leave feeling really refreshed and gets your blood circulation going. However, if you're uber ticklish, the fish is definitely not for you.
Dad's feet with the bigger fish from Africa. Common name of this fish is supposedly the tilapia.
The big ones seem strangely attracted to mum's feet...a lot of dead skin huh.
Mine...quite a normal amount of fish...nibble nibble....
The small fish are from Turkey...cool...
I'm fast turning jaded. Tired. I want to be a child again...or at least a rich tai tai
Heard the news yesterday about the Pope's decision about changing the mass to Latin? I seriously think that his reason about wanting people to know the history and tradition of the church IS NOT GOING TO HELP! Seriously. Listening to the mass in your own local language is already hard enough...let alone in Latin.
You want a revival in the Catholic Church? LISTEN TO THE YOUTH! They're the ones who are going to maintain the church and spread the word. The Youth do want to remain faithful and do want to go to church BUT there are just too many rules, too many traditional stuff that just spoils the whole experience. You want the people to learn about the history of the Church? There's something called CATHECISM (a.k.a. Sunday school).
Let's look at what the Church is supposed to teach:
- love (God's love as well as love we shld show to each other)
- understanding
- patience
- God, Jesus and just generally being good
These are more important than the language of the mass! Vatican 2 is about community. Where would be the sense of community if the Church...no no, I shouldn't say Church...I should say "The Pope". Anyway, as I was saying...where would be the sense of the community if the Pope insists on reintroducing Latin Masses? It's going to be a major turn-off for most of the youth. Youths are grappling with their lives, searching for God and searching for answers. Heck, I'm still grappling with my life and constantly searching for answers and for myself in this world.
What is so attractive about the Protestant Churches is that they're inclusive and not exclusive (except maybe to those who refuse to convert...haha). Why no female priest(ess)? What's wrong with having a female up there performing the rites and celebrating mass?
I seriously think that all the old fogies in the Vatican are too removed from the masses, especially the youth. Have more dialogues with the youth; have communication with parish priests who are in contact with the youth as well as the older folks and be more inclusive. Humans always want to feel welcomed and not bogged down by so much religious bureaucracy. Want to take steps backwards? Then step back into the SPIRIT of the 1st Christians who were more concerned about spreading the Good News and trying to become more like Jesus in their daily lives. That's what we Catholics should strive towards. Language matters as language is local and local is easier to comprehend and touch. Haven't we learnt through the New Testament that God is not some far removed being but he/she is always close by and we can easily turn to? He is our counsellor and guide.
What is all the point of all the open showyness of worshipping and showing how in awe we are of him when our lives aren't changed? Mass began as a way of a community praying and worshipping together. I always say that I love being a Catholic because I can go anywhere in the world, attend Mass and still be able to worship and understand what is going on. Nonetheless, I still feel that Catholics are so ritualistic that they've forgotten the importance of mass. It's not the rituals but rather the sense of community and celebrating with God.
You want a revival in the Catholic Church? LISTEN TO THE YOUTH! They're the ones who are going to maintain the church and spread the word. The Youth do want to remain faithful and do want to go to church BUT there are just too many rules, too many traditional stuff that just spoils the whole experience. You want the people to learn about the history of the Church? There's something called CATHECISM (a.k.a. Sunday school).
Let's look at what the Church is supposed to teach:
- love (God's love as well as love we shld show to each other)
- understanding
- patience
- God, Jesus and just generally being good
These are more important than the language of the mass! Vatican 2 is about community. Where would be the sense of community if the Church...no no, I shouldn't say Church...I should say "The Pope". Anyway, as I was saying...where would be the sense of the community if the Pope insists on reintroducing Latin Masses? It's going to be a major turn-off for most of the youth. Youths are grappling with their lives, searching for God and searching for answers. Heck, I'm still grappling with my life and constantly searching for answers and for myself in this world.
What is so attractive about the Protestant Churches is that they're inclusive and not exclusive (except maybe to those who refuse to convert...haha). Why no female priest(ess)? What's wrong with having a female up there performing the rites and celebrating mass?
I seriously think that all the old fogies in the Vatican are too removed from the masses, especially the youth. Have more dialogues with the youth; have communication with parish priests who are in contact with the youth as well as the older folks and be more inclusive. Humans always want to feel welcomed and not bogged down by so much religious bureaucracy. Want to take steps backwards? Then step back into the SPIRIT of the 1st Christians who were more concerned about spreading the Good News and trying to become more like Jesus in their daily lives. That's what we Catholics should strive towards. Language matters as language is local and local is easier to comprehend and touch. Haven't we learnt through the New Testament that God is not some far removed being but he/she is always close by and we can easily turn to? He is our counsellor and guide.
What is all the point of all the open showyness of worshipping and showing how in awe we are of him when our lives aren't changed? Mass began as a way of a community praying and worshipping together. I always say that I love being a Catholic because I can go anywhere in the world, attend Mass and still be able to worship and understand what is going on. Nonetheless, I still feel that Catholics are so ritualistic that they've forgotten the importance of mass. It's not the rituals but rather the sense of community and celebrating with God.
