I read this article on Buzzfeed entitled "19 Things People With Chronic Pain Want You To Know" and the delightful summary was "We may not look sick, but we are sick." I definitely could relate to the article and I also liked and shared it on Facebook. 

My chronic condition is endometriosis. For those who don't know what it is, it is a female issue where tissue that is supposed to remain in the uterus goes commando and grows outside of the uterus. What sort of mayhem does it do to my body?

• irregular periods
• excessive bleeding (there were times where my periods lasted for 2 weeks)
• extreme cramps
• fatigue
• depression
• weight gain
• irritable bowels

Doctors don't know what causes endometriosis and there's no cure for it. I've undergone a couple of surgeries just to cope with it.

I'm more than happy to talk about my condition with friends and family, without trying to gain sympathy but to spread awareness. Heck, I only knew about fibroids until I was diagnosed with endometriosis. However, please don't make any silly comments. I got really pissed off with a headhunter once because I had written "endometriosis" on a job application and she called me to find out about it. The conversation went something like this:

Headhunter (HH): So...you get cramps every month?
Me: Err...no, I get irregular periods and sometimes the cramps don't come but sometimes they do. When they do, it varies from slight to extreme pain.
HH: So...you get cramps more than once a month?
Me: No...sometimes have, sometimes don't have. It really depends.
HH: You get depressed every month?
Me: No!! It really depends. There are a lot more good months than bad months and because I recognise the symptoms, I know how to cope with it.
HH: Are you on medication?
Me: No. I had a very bad reaction to a medication so my doctor recommends me doing things naturally to try to get my menstrual cycle to return to normal.
HH: So you have your period every month? Cramps too?
Me: (starting to feel pain from rolling my eyes too much) NO....as I've mentioned earlier, my uterus can't decide whether to come once or multiple times per month and I've got an IUD to try to prevent as many periods from coming so that the uterine lining doesn't grow.
HH: Oh...the other surgery was to remove all the lining?
Me: Yes.
HH: So it's all removed and cured lah.
Me: No...cos some of the lining, called adhesion, has caused my uterus to be stuck onto my intestines and couldn't be removed. Also, there's nothing stopping my lining from wanting to grow outside my uterus too.
HH: Oh...so it's not cured.
Me: That's why it's a chronic problem....



In the end, she told me that she'll look for long-term jobs with better medical leave due to my condition. See. Her heart wasn't in the wrong place. She just had a funny way of trying to understand that chronic conditions don't strike on schedule.

Do you know that our wallets are a lot emptier because of our medical bills? Each time I go to my gynae for a check-up, it's about $200. That's before any fancy schmancy tests or pills.


Let me stop before I go on a full-on rant explanation about my condition, as this blog post isn't about that. My post is about seeking people's understanding as well as to get more people to shed their prejudices.

It has been about 3 years since I've been diagnosed and what I have learnt is that more often than not, those who truly understand are those who have chronic conditions too. As awesome it is to have another human empathise with our condition, I want 'normal' and 'healthy' people to appreciate that despite our chronic illnesses, we're living as normal a life as we can.

以小人之心，度君子之腹。

I've heard many stories from friends who have chronic illnesses (not only me) and often times, they too complain that when they take medical leave because they have to, their colleagues get upset and roll their eyes to say, "Yet again." Sounds way too familiar to me.

It has gotten to the point where I don't feel that I've got the right to take my 14 days of annual medical leave and instead, have to take my regular leave when I'm actually not feeling well. I'm not the only one. Talking to these friends of mine, they too feel guilty whenever they have to take medical leave. When I tell this to my good 'healthy' friends, they get angry on my behalf and exclaim, "But it's your right!" Uh huh...tell that to the rest of the world who obviously take a sickie when they're not sick. These people don't realise the number of times that I haul my ass to work when I really am not feeling 100%. Please just accept that we're really not feeling well and stop thinking that we're trying to screw your work life up.



So, do forgive me for those days where I'm super emo, suddenly lethargic or when I just don't seem sociable. I don't see my endometriosis as a crutch. I do wish that I didn't have it but since I do have it, I just see it as something that I have to live with. Just like how some people hate their legs/arms/butt/shape of their eyes, I hate my condition but I still have to live with it. Can't help it.

I'm trying my best to not let it get to me (there are weeks where I may only work 3 days but I'm helluva more efficient than my peers) but I would really appreciate it if you don't make my life harder than it already is. No need to walk on eggshells. Just don't judge me.

So it's now Lent, that lovely time before Good Friday and Easter, where we examine our lives and consciously try not to sin and remember the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus gave. As such, we are also encouraged to sacrifice something during this period. Normally, it involves something that we really love, which is why it would be a sacrifice. However, this Lent, I am going to challenge myself by giving up complaining. Here's a few reasons why:

1. It's a waste of energy
If you're upset, it is cathartic to vent and complain a little. My friends and family have heard me complain about a certain few people and they even know the nicknames of the various characters involved. However, there came a point where I was simply tired of complaining to them about the related problems. Complaining once or twice was good enough to vent and just hear their perspectives of things. Complaining about the same thing over and over again is not going to make the problem disappear or resolve itself. Better to save the energy used to complain to do something about it instead.

2. It blinds you from the blessings in your life

Let's put things into a slight perspective: there will always be people who have better days/items/luck than you and the opposite is also true - there will always be people who have crappier days/items/luck than you. Rather than focus on the problem or the shit that happens, always remember that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Be grateful.

3. It's a waste of time
This is kinda related to the 1st point about complaining being a waste of energy. So...not only are you wasting energy complaining, you're also wasting your precious time AND your friend/family member's time. Unless you're seeking advice on how to tackle the issue. I'd rather spend the time used to complain to catch up with my friend's life, especially in this day and age where I see more of my friends' lives on social media than face-to-face. Also, the time used to complain could've been spent on trying to see the issue from other angles/perspectives. Only then are you able to know how to resolve the problem(s).

4. It encourages negativity
Do you find your blood pressure suddenly rising when you're in the midst of complaining? Can't imagine that's very relaxing and helpful for your mental health. What if you're listening to someone complain? That's not a conversation. It's just a one-sided verbal barrage. That said, I must emphasise that the occasional rant is helpful because this helps relieve stress BUT if you catch yourself complaining about the same thing over and over again, you do need to know that you're not exactly the life of the party and in fact, you may be draining the energy from others. It means that you:
a) have not gotten over the issue
b) have not taken steps to resolve the issue
c) like the sound of your own voice
d) are victimising yourself and this does not encourage you to take charge

This is going to be a huge challenge because it goes against my base human nature. Nonetheless, it is Lent and if I'm going to make a sacrifice, I might as well make it a real challenge and hopefully, this will go beyond Lent!

I saw the photo below on my Facebook newsfeed today and I'm glad to see more and more of such movement(s) in the world.

Needless to say, I shared it and I wrote, "There are tons of 'invisible' illnesses out in the world. We should not judge others by what we have/ don't have, learn to accept that these illnesses are a struggle and that it takes a lot of self control for people to NOT whinge and whine about their illness(es) to others constantly."

As someone who has endometriosis and clinical depression, which is linked to my endometriosis (I shall now shorten it to 'endo'), I can really relate to how it is a struggle to smile to the world while your insides are just eating away at you. Don't get me started on the head trip that goes with every low when depression hits you nor the extreme pain I go through sometimes whenever Mother Nature visits.

The worst thing is that these illnesses are chronic. They will reoccur again and again, with almost no cure. Just prevention of symptoms or just making these symptoms milder so that they do not become stumbling blocks.

I get a bit offended whenever people talk about my weight and my weight gain. It is a side effect of endo (people with PCOS can relate) and it takes me 3x the effort to lose the weight. I'm already happy that I've maintained my weight without it ballooning further. I can't stand it when family, friends and some colleagues talk about my food intake as if I'm consuming 2,000 calories a day. I've checked. There are days and weeks when I meticulously note down all the food that I consume and guess what? I clock in at 1,500 calories on average! Sometimes 1,200 calories too! However, nobody sees this and whatever they assume, they believe. I still can't get over the fact that one of my directors skipped me when she was offering biscuits to everyone in the office.

Another thing about endo is the incredible amount of pain it brings and it's not constant. It comes and goes like a bad diarrhoea that visits you without the accompanying runs. You're so exhausted despite not doing much and you just can't concentrate on anything else except a good book/mindless games/how soft your pillow is. Whenever this happens, I can't help but take a sickie. But of course...a lot of colleagues think that I'm skiving or complain that I'm "always not around/always on medical leave". Some colleagues even go so far to say that I only work 3 days a week (I wish!). Best that I've heard so far: "she has so many days of medical leave meh?" Nope...I still have the same amount of leave as anyone else in the office and I do 3x the amount of work in the same amount of time. That's for efficiency y'all naysayers!

Honestly, people like me aren't asking for sympathy nor empathy. We just want all of you to be less judgemental and more understanding.

My friend shared this link via Facebook and I when I read the article, my thoughts came out in the following order:

1. Men are such pigs
2. That's why I refuse to download WeChat
3. The article has a lot of grammatical errors...gahhh....
4. Why do men cheat? Are their wives not having sex with them or they just enjoy the thrill of having affairs/the forbidden fruit?
5. It takes 2 hands to clap. If women aren't putting out that easily, these men wouldn't be able to have affairs so easily.
6. Who said Singaporeans aren't having sex?
7. The article seriously needs a lot of editing
8. I'm quite sure married women are doing the same
9. Why do these people bother to marry if they're going to cheat? Can a psychologist explain this to me?
10. Where are the good men in Singapore?
11. This kinda reminds me of Paktor (another app that is a lot like Tinder)

I can understand the thrill of new relationships and how tempting it is to have flings with no strings attached. However, if you're married, think about your whole family. It's not just your spouse who is affected. I've met a young man of 25 and he has little respect for his dad because he saw his father parading his girlfriends in a flashy sportscar while still married. Imagine how your affairs will affect your children, if any.

I'm not condemning anyone who have had affairs but just remember your vows and do the right thing. For us singles, I just hope that we'll find spouses who will love us enough to remain faithful...unless you're into polyamourous relationships, then...uh...that's your thing.

Phew. I'm so thankful that this week is over and next week will be a short work week!! I love long weekends. I need to sleep more...

I'm now at a dilemma. My domain hosting for oopsiwannasay.com is coming up. Should I renew it and just continue with it? Or should I cancel it, get the domain www.oct1983.com and then concentrate only on that? Hmm...decisions decisions....do let me know what you think! :)

It has been 3 weeks since OopsIWannaSay.com has been launched and there has been 189 hits (not counting the 20 over hits garnered during the first week) without much outright marketing!! That's an average of about 10 hits a day! This is great and I am in the midst of revamping my site so any feedback and how YOU want it to look like will be more than appreciated.

The unfortunate part is that I still have yet to garner any sales but I am optimistic that OopsIWannaSay.com is just starting on its path. Moreover, I am planning to add a "Makeover" section, which I think is very pracitical because we do see a lot of people (both males and females) who will be arrested and charged by the fashion police.

Will update you guys soon on the outcome of the website etc.

Well, Chinese New Year is here and let me tell you how uneventful mine has been thus far. Day 1 was the usual where people came over to my place and that was ok. However, Day 2....Dad said that he's sick and so, we stayed home the whole day. The only time I stepped out of the house was to walk Baileys. Seriously. Boring.

Day 3, which was yesterday, was a flurry of activities as I met Mingxian for breakfast @ 9:30am (yes...mr super star is so busy that I got pushed to breakfast) but Killiney Kopitiam was closed...thank goodness Toast Box @ Centrepoint was open and we could satisfy Ming's need for kaya toast and soft boiled eggs. As he had to rush off to meet another friend for lunch, I went off to meet my parents at Funan to purchase my wonderful new laser printer!! Dad's a Challenger member so I already save $50 on the printer thanks to a member promo AND I saved another $20 because Dad had enough points to redeem it. Wee~ I saved $70!! Good deal! ;)

Today has been tiring as I had a full day stage 2 interview with MFA. Tons of tests, assessments etc and I wouldn't know the results till 2 weeks later. So don't ask me how it went. Its not your traditional interview. Tired. Poopy eyes....foooodd.......